Ok I really cant believe I am doing this but I only share this knowing that it may help someone in the long run.... I am not seeking pity or anything of the sort but I do feel like I am an expert on this subject so if anyone needs someone to listen to them or talk to them or try to give them advice on this subject you can contact me via the board email or whatever. After you read this you will know more about me than most people including my children but I just hope it helps to know that no matter what side of this subject you are on you are not alone I have been there and I got through it. In the end I am a stronger person for it and you can get through this too...
I guess I will start at the beginning... My Father is a vietnam vet.. when he got out of the army he met my mother and they were married a couple weeks later..... things were ok in the beginning and then the abuse started... my mom had my sister and then she had my brother and then she had me... things only got worse and worse. My father became a police officer to support his family and the problems just seemed to get worse and worse.... by 1981 my mother had filed for divorce and was waiting for her room to be available at a battered wives shelter so she could get out... while she was waiting she was in the hospital suffering from depression... anyway on Friday March the 6th she was supposed to leave for the shelter but they asked her to wait until Monday because her room still wasnt ready...and besides the hospital knew the problems her and my dad were having and they had security so he wouldnt be able to get to her..... right?..... Wrong at 7:30 pm Sunday March the 8th 1981 he walked into the hospital dressed in his police uniform walked back to her room and shot her 6 times.... He was arrested by his fellow officers and did spend a little time in jail.... he is free today remarried and has three more little girls....... they dont know anything about this... How do I know all this? I had to read the newspapers and the court transcripts because that was the only way I had a chance to know my parents..... It doesnt end there.... I told you in the beginning I am an expert..... Anyway- after that my sister and I (my brother died after he was born) were sent to live with my grandparents... who as it turns out were very abusive to my mother when she was a child and they continued the abuse with my sister and I. While we were in their "care" we went through every type of abuse imaginable... physical.... mental.... and yes sexual.. my sister ran away and got married when she turned 16 and I stayed there for two more years until I was finally "rescued" by social services... I was put in foster care at 14 and stayed in the system until I turned 18... I had four kids by the man I thought I was going to be with for the rest of my life but things dont always work out the way we think... we grew up and grew apart and then we both married other people.... four years ago I met my husband and within three weeks we were married..(sound familiar.... see the pattern) Anyway my husband was a bit clingy in the beginning and I thought wow he really loves me..... I learned really quickly the difference between love and obsession... he was very abusive and it got to the point where I lost myself...... I was living in prison..... I went on with it because I do have strong values on marriage and I was determined to be a good wife... I kept telling myself that if I just showed him I wasnt doing anything wrong things would get better..... it didnt it just got worse... I finally had enough after four years and 6 months ago I got out..... I have moved two hours from my husband I am currently getting my life back together and although its tough I have to say I have never been happier in as long as I can remember.... To this day my husband does not know where I live....... all I can tell you is this....... Put you and your children if you have any first.... GET OUT!!! I dont mean this as anything against my mother but I refused to end up the way she did.... YOU SHOULDNT EITHER!!
So again I didnt spill my guts for pity I truly hope that it will help somehow and if you ever need someone.... I am here.
Where to start? After reading that it makes you realize so much. It is awful what you had to go through, what your mother had to go through and what so many people are still going through today.
Somehow, you managed to find the courage to get out. For yourself and for your kids. Hopefully your post and your story will help someone find the strength and courage to do the same. Thanks for sharing your story with everyone.
Good luck to you and yours. And if ever you need anything, just let me know. Amanda
